Tuesday, 23 August 2016
On your darkest days, I hope you have someone to say "you're going to be ok."
I hope you have someone to give you a hug, and who feeds you pasta or whatever the heck makes you feel better. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
I hope you feel like you have someone to talk to. That one person who really gets you. Who's seen the truly ugly parts of you but says, "Fuck it, I still want you around. Or shut-up you're being ridiculous, let's get out of the house now." Or a little bit of both.
I hope that you know you can complain. To the right people who care. Not that complaining changes anything but at least it lets all the bad stuff out. And takes the pressure off the compressed thoughts of your life because that is important.
I hope you have someone to tell you you're beautiful or handsome even when there is snot coming out of your nose, and your hair isn't washed and frankly, you smell like sweat or is it tears? Or both.
I hope when you say, "I'm fine" someone knows to ask you again how you are really, and that they notice that your eyes have glazed over, and that you're a big fat liar.
I hope they pause when you're about to cry and decide to hold you even if you acted like a jerk.
I hope you find a piece of music, or an article that perfectly incapsulates everything you've been feeling so you know you're not alone. You realize that someone, at some point, went so far as to write about the same feelings as you because they were being eaten alive by the same crap.
I hope you give yourself a break even if you find it hard to do. Even if every time before now you've just pushed through because technically you can fit more in your day. I hope that you know you don't have to.
I hope you say "fuck it" to the part of yourself that says you're a pile of shit, and that you do something kind for yourself instead. And that keep swearing at the part of you that's being so mean to yourself. Fuck that part of you.
I hope you put yourself first even if you let some people down in the process. And even though, it feels shitty, you do it so that you have the energy to invite people into your life and not always push them away.
I hope you keep going, again and again. I hope you pick yourself up because you deserve to, and even if your knees have grown tough from scrape after scrape healing and scarring every time you find yourself on the ground, and that you look down and feel proud at how tough you've become.
I hope you don't give in to the dark parts for too long before someone else pulls you out of it. Because even if you don't realize it, you deserve to be happy. But maybe today you can settle for being ok.
And I hope if you read this and you can relate, it makes you smile knowing that someone else knows has gone through the same ups and downs as you. And even if I don't know you well or at all, I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for you.
I hope you realize how special and wonderful you are. To many people and to yourself.