Wednesday, 19 August 2015

"Happy to be"

There is a total babe in the pool. Swimming back and forth.
 I LOVE Vancouver. Fit bodies pursuing passions that our mind could never comprehend. Again and again, I'm drawn back to the same conclusion. This is a magical place.I've spent hours focusing on my dreams, notebooks filled with thoughts and stories-poetic, gritty, or shit. I love each of them. I am here. Two feet planted on the ground.  My eyes locked to the sky.

Is this what paradise smells like? Clean air, ocean breeze, hugged between the mountains.  My lungs sing hallelujah. Grateful eyes, soft forehead, my laugh lines are deeper.

Up and down, the world is opened. Geography once constructed my careful little home but now I've built new walls. My foundation is created from my bones and taken with me wherever I go.  There is a story all over the world just waiting to start. And I'm ready to throw back the curtain. To stop this game of peekaboo.

If I were to have the perfect day it would be this one because I feel one part content and one part hungry. Hungry to start and content to be. I'm straddling my contradictions, playing coy with my demons. It turns out they're not as bad as I thought-once you get to know them. I'm releasing sighs-a force of habit more than anything else. I'm just so happy to be.

Thank you Vancouver.


Wednesday, 12 August 2015

It feels like Summer Camp

I haven't been to camp in years.

Well that's not true (I taught at camp for a week in the end of June).

What I mean is I haven't had that end-of-the-summer last day of camp feeling in a long time.

It's bitter sweet.

It's beautiful.

It's hard.

I love it out west. I'M IN LOVE WITH IT.

The mountains, the sky, the gosh darn Ocean. It's so beautiful.

Wait, I'm still here. I still have time.

But as is the way of my brain, I've been contemplating. A good/bad quality I have when I can feel an ending coming on.

It can be tricky to stay present when you feel an ending about to happen.

Let's just say, if I were on the Titanic with Jack, I'd probably be considering what I'd do after I get out the car. Know what I mean?

This summer has allowed me the time to realise that I don't have to plan everything.

Has that stopped me from trying?


And those plans have crashed and burned. Burned and then sank to the bottom of the ocean which then imploded, never to be seen or heard from again.

 But as I feel my heels digging into the ground and my fists clenching I see that perhaps I have the ability to let things go. Loosen the reins.


Certainly I'm always happier when I do this. Certainly everyone around me is happier too.

I can't say all that I've learnt so far but I'm so incredibly grateful for this summer and all the time I have left here.

I've been able to write everyday.

What a gift!

I've met so many amazing people and found a real home in a different city.

I've also pushed myself a lot too.

I'll stop before I get too "Eat Pray Love" on you but yeah, I feel so lucky.

I have spent my time hanging out with myself, my dad, and my new friends. Me and the ocean have had many heart to hearts too.

It's been wonderful. This will be a summer I'll remember for the rest of my life.

And I'm just so proud that I did this.

How about you? Anything you've done this summer that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy?

I'd love to hear from you.


Want to work with Laurel? Come to her next "For The Love Of Writing" workshop on Kits Beach next Thursday August 20th from 4pm-6pm! Check out!for-the-love-of-writing-workshop/cak for more details!

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

No One Cares what I'm doing.

Writing is a lot like exercise. The more you do it, the more you enjoy it.

The less you do it, the more you resent it AND the people who enjoy doing it.

Look at those writing muscles Grrrrr....hehehe I'm soooo clever.

The last couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of writing. I've been away from a lot of my friends, family, and the comforts of being in a familiar setting. This has, in a lot of ways, given me the space to focus. It's been me, my notebook (or my computer) and nature. It's been, in a word, beautiful.

And then, on certain days, I find myself getting nothing done. And there is no one to "blame" but myself. It's just me procrastinating or me planning or worrying about things and events I have little or no control of. On days like this, I am so focused on everything else that I stop enjoying the beautiful time I've carved out for myself.

And then I miss writing blog posts.

And It makes me sad. It makes me angry. And then I feel pissed that I'm angry and sad. And that I've "wasted" time. And in this angry/sad state I end up wasting more time dwelling. It's a beautiful cycle of self-loathing that I find myself in now and again.


Multiple times this summer, I've found myself looking at my list of creative goals and thinking "Am I getting enough done? Am I getting enough done?" AS IF ANYONE CARES.

To which I say to myself, "LAUREL, NO ONE CARES. STOP IT."

Not in a bad way. But, no one cares what I do. In the most loving way, no one cares if I hit all my self-imposed deadlines but me.

It's sort of narcissistic to believe that anyone else is going to actually say "wow, how much of your to-do list did you finish?

Actually quite a lot! Thanks for asking!

And I realise, it has nothing to do with the environment I'm in or the people I'm around but myself. That's me. Around people or not around people. That's my creative crap. My perfectionist tendencies bubbling to the surface.


There is something so liberating about realizing that, in fact, I've been the guard of my self-imposed prison.


I've only been hurting myself by judging my perceived progress.

So in these moments, I sit down at my computer and decide to write anyway. I take a deep breath and release all of my pent-up emotions into this blog post to share with you.


How about you? Does your brain ever trick you into feeling bad about your creative process?

If so, I'd love to hear from you! Put it in the comments. I swear I do read them:)


Want to work with Laurel? Check out her next "For The Love of Writing" Workshop in Vancouver on August 20th from 4pm-6pm on Kits Beach!  Or check-out her website at to learn more about this "We'll Laugh About This One Day" writer.

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