Sunday, 24 March 2013

To All My Baby Faces Out There

You can't help it. You have chubby cheeks, puppy eyes, a rosy complexion or you just look young. "Enjoy it while it lasts" strangers say with a smile. But all you can think is "how is anyone going to take me seriously with these big blue eyes and my disney princess voice?" I understand what you are going through and I want to tell you there is hope. Here are a few ways to get around your baby face.

1) Act like a total A-hole. At first people will be thrown off by your unpleasant demeanour and be confused that your interior doesn't match your cute exterior. Eventually, they will disregard what you're saying completely, allowing you to say passive-aggressive things undisturbed.

2) Wear black eyeliner or get a nose ring. You might still look young but at least people know that you're crazy enough to stick a needle through your nose

3) Reference the 80's when that misinformed high school student hits on you. *Make sure that they know you were born in the 80's and that you are not talking about it in a ironic way

4) Talk about how old you are."Back when I was in university" or "Oh yes, high school"

5) When the bouncer asks "are you old enough to be here?", stare at him and say "Are you?"

6) Start drinking scotch, smoking pipes, and walking with a cane.

7) Lower your voice a few octaves (Think more Adele and less Barry White)

8) Reference your three girls at home (Sure they may be your roommates but strangers don't need to know that)

9) When someone tells you again that you look 16, laugh and say "Oh you! You make me feel young" and walk away. Skipping, obviously.

10) If all else fails, accept your youthful spirit, and this childlike package that is your body and tell the world you are a child genius.

You're welcome.

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