Friday, 16 March 2012

Don't kiss me cause I'm Irish. Fight me!

Being of Irish descent gives me the right to say a certain something about St. Patrick's Day. IT'S AWESOME.  I have celebrated it ever since i can remember. My darling grandmother and I would decorate her house and prepare all these fun St. Patty's day games that my cousins had to participate in (I was always the bossy child especially to family...sorry Danielle).

Like I was saying, I love this day. Which is strange since I generally hate when douchebag drunk guys are yelling in the streets and drunk girls are frantically searching for Amber or Megan who always seems to disappear (not hating-just speaking the truth). HOWEVER, on this day, I'm all about these people. I will personally find Todd, the frat boy, charming and declare him a dude with a 'good heart'...even if he eventually pukes on my shoes. I will personally lead the search party for those lost biddies, wipe the tears from their eyes and  lead them to a bar where they will have an awesome rest of their night. I even love the semi-posionous green food colouring that goes into everything. Green cupcakes, green beer, green burgers...mad cow? (I'm a vegetarian so I don't know why I referenced burgers). I don't even mind that for days after I think i'm dying because my urine is green.

St. Patrick's day might be a bit of sloppy mess, leading to fist fights, group singing and drunken conversations with attractive (beer goggles?) new friends but its a tradition that the Irish have given us and so help me, I'm going to participate.  So whether you are celebrating today, tomorrow, or both, I wish you the luck of the Irish. I hope that you do a jig, get a kiss or fight someone bigger than you. As for me, I plan to do all three.

And when sunday morning rolls around, don't worry. Thats why leprechauns invented gatorade and Tylenol. And remember, that amount of food colouring going into your body eventually will eventually have to make its way out...gross.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

What are you going to do after you graduate?





One day you are sitting around, minding your own business. Drinking a coffee that you don't really need and you run into that person. THAT PERSON. The one you don't know very well but well enough that they stop to say "hey". You are simply enjoying a quiet moment to yourself when BAM, it hits you in the face like a zipper in your eye.

" So anyway, WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTT AARRRRRRRRRRREEEEE yooooUUUUUUUUUU DOINGGGGGG AFTERRRR YOUOUOUOU GRRRRAAAADDDDDUUUUAAATTEEEE?"

Life slows down and their words come out jumbled. You massage your ears and your eyeballs, checking for signs of a stroke as you try to process the question. "Pardon me?" you ask politely.

"WHAT.ARE.YOUDOOOOIINNNGGGG.AFTERYOUGRADUATE?"

Your heart starts racing. The world starts spinning. Did you accidently stumble upon a family dinner? Did you run into that competitive friend that you hated in grade one? Are you suddenly in the presence of that high school teacher who thought the world of you? No. You were simply minding your own business when a total stranger had the audacity to ask about your future.

"I'm working on... multiple projects." Booyah! Take that nosey nancy! "Oh! Are you getting paid?" BASTARD. You smile and wag your finger in their face, hoping to poke them in the eye without appearing to have done it on purpose. "Oh, you know how it is!"

...They blink for what seems like a eternity....you laugh uncomfortably. Eventually you mumble an excuse that you have to go and leave feeling traumatized.

  Honestly i know these people are trying to be nice but seriously. SERIOUSLY. Do you think your amazing Sherlock Holmes inquisitive questioning will be of use to me? The answer is no. So for those of you out there with this burning question on their lips, i appreciate the sentiment. However, please just STOP IT. JUST.STOP IT.
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